Note from David: I’d like everyone to welcome a new writer to the Poker Penguin Team. His name is John and he’s just coming into poker. He’s been a friend of mine for awhile and I’ve always enjoyed his writing, so I invited him to come on Poker Penguin and write about what he’s learning. So, expect more articles from him in the future. I think you’ll enjoy is witty, direct, in-your-face, writing style. So without further ado, I give you John’s first article:

Come on, admit it. There’s a good chance you’re reading this because you have fantasies of beating the Russian in his own basement. Ed Norton is your loser sidekick, and you have the supernatural ability to spot tells.

Texas Hold ‘em is like the grown up’s version of being an astronaut. Most likely you aren’t an astronaut or a professional poker player — and probably never will be. But that’s OK. I still love you.

So how do you go from noob to pro? Or at least from noob to “someone who doesn’t hemorrhage money?”

Well, when I figure that one out, I’ll let you know, but in the meantime I’ll relate to you some of the things I have learned. As always with a new endeavor, I find the first several weeks of learning extremely inefficient. There are certain basics that — to me — are the very first things you need to know, and it is exactly these things that are never written down.

1) All Poker is not Created Equal

This is probably the most important thing I have learned. I’m not talking about different forms of Poker. I’m talking about different variants of Texas Hold ‘Em. Most books, even beginner books, just start you out in the middle of a bunch of assumptions without letting you in on these assumptions. They don’t tell you what type of Poker their advice is applicable to. The first chapter of the first book I read gave me a rigid beginner structure to stick to for my next several sessions. This is great, it’s an awesome way to learn. The problem is that the book neglected to mention that this advice is totally useless when playing short-handed and, especially, heads-up.

You cannot approach a 10-man 3/6 limit Hold ‘Em table with the same strategy as a friendly 6-man No-Limit game with tournament structure. While an expert will find that his skills translate well from game to game, the noob who is memorizing basic betting structures will find himself completely bewildered.

2) You have to play for an amount of money people do not want to lose

Playing a $5 buy-in No-Limit tournament with friends is fun, but you’re unlikely to learn a whole hell of a lot. People will go all-in pre-flop with crap, people will bluff like madmen, and people will call any and everything. If you’re playing tight, like a noob should, you’ll find yourself staring down a mountain of chips from the lucksack who happened to win the all-in showdowns.

If you’re playing with friends, the buy-in should be enough that winning and losing actually has some meaning to the people playing. Otherwise, everyone will play essentially randomly. This advice may not be 100% accurate, because if everyone participating has sincere intentions of improving their game, they may play properly even without money at stake. I’m just saying this is pretty unlikely.

3) Pay attention to how much of your hand is made from the board.

Wow! I have a straight! I’m going to go all-in! Hold on there a second, buddy. How much of that hand is coming from your hole cards, and how much of it is on the board? Is 7-8-9-10 on the board, and you’re holding 6-K? Well, guess what, somebody else almost certainly has that jack, and your straight is very vulnerable. If you have a heart flush, and there are 4 hearts on the board, what is your highest heart? If you’re holding 2H, your flush isn’t worth squat with a board like that.

This is a very important concept, and one of the easiest to screw up as a noob. You cannot look at your hand in a vacuum, but rather the strength of your hand relative to the board. Which brings me to the next important concept:

4) Pay attention to when the board is dangerous.

Many players will play almost any suited connectors (i.e. cards that are sequential and of the same suit). Some people will even play any two suited cards. Whenever you see three of the same suit on the board, a warning light needs to go off in your head that somebody may hold a flush. Due to all of the possibilities, straights are a little harder to spot, but be careful any time you see a board with many cards in similar rank. For example, If you hold K-10, and the board is 10-J-K-A-2, anybody holding Queen has a straight. Even though you have two pair, that isn’t really such a great hand with this board.

It seems to me that two pair is a particularly dangerous hand. It is very easy to overvalue. It goes without saying, but your two pair doesn’t mean much if there are two kings on the board and your second pair comes from a low-rank hole card.

Also, a pair on the board is a dangerous thing in general, particularly when it is a high-rank card like a king. If there are a pair of kings on the board, there is a very good chance that someone has at least trip kings. Many people will play hands that have any combination with an ace or king.

This past weekend I played pocket sixes in late position. The flop was K-6-4. I bet heavily. After betting and raising, the result was heads up between me and a super old dude. The turn was a King. I had a full house. I bet again. Super old dude raises. Uh-oh. River comes, it’s a deuce. So the board is now K-6-4-K-2.

He had played K-4. His full house beat mine. Beware pairs on the board, especially if they are a high rank.

5) Low-rank pocket pairs aren’t that great.

See the above anecdote. Pocket fours may look really cool pre-flop, but after a flop of 10-Q-A, they are pretty crappy. You usually won’t hit your trip, and you’re stuck trying to defend a crappy pair. More often than not, the flop is going to make you fold because of good overcards. Low pocket pairs are fun to get, but they end up costing you more money than you think.

6) Don’t bluff very often.

In the grand scheme of things, you ultimately have to bluff sometimes to keep your game unpredictable. But you aren’t a pro. You’re still a noob. You’re going to have enough trouble just knowing when your hand is actually strong. Bluffing is part of the romance of the game, and hence most beginners go hog wild with bluffing. But bluffing is hard, and I daresay a relatively advanced tactic, and probably shouldn’t be a big part of your game initially.

If you insist on bluffing, try to bluff with hands that are possibly winnable. This is called a semi-bluff. An example of a semi bluff would be betting when you hold 10-J, and the flop is 9-10-K. You almost certainly don’t have the high pair, but if a Queen comes down, you’ll have a straight. (Which would still be beaten by A-J) And even if you don’t hit your straight, there’s still the possibility that nobody hit the king and you’ll win.

7) Ten people means a lot of hands

It is very easy to get amazed when your hand is beat. “I can’t believe he had pocket kings!” But ten people means ten hands got dealt! The more people at a table, the stronger your hand needs to be to win at the river. In heads up, a pair of kings will win most of the time. At a ten man table, that same pair won’t win nearly as often. The more people playing the game, the higher the odds that somebody has something good.

8) People at 3/6 limit play almost anything, and it’s tough to make them fold.

3/6 limit is a pretty popular game, and since I’m still a noob, it’s what I play. There is a huge mix of people, ranging from tight/aggressive players to total maniacs. In 3/6 limit Hold ‘Em your hand really needs to be good most of the time. You can’t go “all-in” to muscle people out of the pot, and many people will see you all the way to the river just to do it.

I think the biggest leak in my current game is that I raise pre-flop too often. I raised pre-flop with those pocket sixes I mentioned above with the express purpose of getting people to fold pre-flop. Grandpa crazy saw my pre-flop raise with K-4 from early position. (Of course my play may be questionable, but the point is that it’s really hard to get these people to fold!)

Anyway, in 3/6 limit, your winning hand is going to have to go to the river most of the time. Even after the bets double, your opponent only has to risk $6 for a substantially larger pot. People on straight and flush draws are often willing to take these odds. Even when you know you’re winning this very second, it’s often impossible to knock people out before the river. You can’t make them go all in for that flush draw. For this reason you have to be very confident of the strength of your hand in 3/6 limit.

So there you have it. That’s the condensed basics I wish I would have known when I started playing. Bear in mind, all of this comes from somebody who is still pretty sucky, so your mileage may vary.

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